Ambush the Children

Today was "Ambush the Children" and attempt to take pictures of them with my (very) shaky camera phone...which I quickly realized was a piece of crap. My delightful phone made this a wonderful experience by completely shutting down every time I pushed the camera button.

Here are the results:


W. in all his glory. He'd just walked in the door from school and I had to pretend the phone wasn't working in order to catch him actually smiling (I even used a real curse word which seemed to rock his world).

File this one away for posterity....it'll never happen again. Especially in the direction of or anywhere near his mother.

He's officially a "tween" and scowling is the new black.




C. Need I say more?

Today he was "Sonic". In order to take his picture I had to say "Sonic! Look over here!". He "saved me" several times during the picture-taking, so this is the only one that's not a giant blue blur.

You do what you gotta do. Yesterday he was "C. Potter", so at least he's washed the scar off his forehead.

I'm just hoping he'll still love his mother when he realizes he's a stud-muffin.



L. would not for the love-of-all-that-is-holy look directly at me, so this is the best you get.

And yes, that is drool all down the front of her shirt.

And no, I didn't change it when we came inside. In fact, the wet-drool stain is almost to her belly-button as we speak.

She's a work of art. Shoulda seen her little converse high-tops!

Mom's Night Out

Last night I went out to eat with some friends. The kids stayed home with M. (of course) and according to my phone reports, all was well.

Until I woke up this morning and realized that apparently M. wasn't watching one of them at all.

C: "But Mom, I tried to clean the toothpaste up with the rug...and then Daddy said to leave it for you."

It's a Key!

I walked by my son today, pressed against the door. At first glance, I thought he was looking out the window. Then, I noticed he was distracted. With his hands in his pants.

Now, let it be known, I'm talking about a 3 year old, so when I say "pants" I mean "underwear" since he literally strips down as soon as we enter our house.

So, like I said, his hands are in his pants.

I kind of linger...lurking behind him, floating around trying to see what he's doing, but not wanting to be so obvious that he stops. He's doing something...lurching, twisting.

Finally, I realize.

Me: "C. are you trying to stick your penis into the door?"
C: "Yep."
Me: "Why?"
C: (rolls his eyes, looking at me like the idiot I clearly am.) "Um, because my penis is a KEY?!"

I clearly have ruined his game. He gives me a look, sighs, puts his penis away and wanders into the kitchen for a snack.

Yum!

It's been really nasty weather out here and we've been cooped up waaaaay too long. When an adult actually begin enjoying Yo!Gabba Gabba! and is really impressed with "Dancey-Dance Time" it's time to get back into the world of raging consumerism.

So I jumped at the opportunity to go to the mall's soft-play area and let the kids run wild while begging for candy and toys and Coach bags!

After C. got tired of launching himself off of things onto L.'s back and L. got tired of being ambushed, we made our way to Chik-fil-a. (The staple of SAHM's everywhere who just want a friggin milkshake and some decent nuggets).

L. gobbled her chicken nuggets like a snarling pup, so I gave her some fruit. She was licking a grape, deciding whether or not she wanted it. Suddenly (and with a POP!) she propelled the grape from her mouth with such force, it flew across the table...landing in front of C.

C. My Darling son, proceeds to watch the grape's graceful flight, grabs it when it lands (before the first bounce), shoves it in his mouth-still wet with spit- and swallows it.

L. and I watch, impressed, icked-out and more than a little bit astounded.

It's official. I'm the Kmart shopper whose kids have chocolate smeared on their hands and faces. I'm the mom whose kids lick shoes. I may as well be this lady.

La Valse

My love sings for you. Oh beloved, if you only knew the depths.

The beginning starts quietly (the mist), with the rumblings of the double basses. Silently and gradually, instruments play fragmented melodies, gradually building into a subdued tune on bassoons and violas. Eventually, the harps signal the beginning culmination of instruments into the graceful melody. Led by the violins, the orchestra erupts into the work's principal waltz theme.

M.

M. and I have been together for almost 12 yrs. He's my best friend.

My Morning Dress

This is exactly what I'm wearing right now. I never wear my pajamas until noon. I make sure I'm wearing the appropriate clothing for my activities that day. For example, this dress is meant for doing light cleaning, recieving female callers and eating biscuits.

Perfect. That's just what I have planned.

Typical

It's my first official post. I want to make sure everything is perfect on the blog-front. After thinking long and hard about what I want to name my new past-time (and getting most of my good ideas denied because they're taken already) I finally decided on lilyinthemiddle.blogspot.com.

I know. It looks weird.

I told M. that it looks like it says lilyin instead of lily in the middle, but the only other good option we came up with was dirtyfeet.blogspot.com. Taken.

W. (my oldest) suggested supersaver.com and findit.com until I informed him that we aren't selling anything....other than my self-esteem and reasonable privacy rights.

He said "Oh, what about meangreen.com or crazyaboutmom.com." Of course, all that kissing up deserved at least a "That's a GREAT idea!" which he promptly got.

Then I requested that he take a shower and actually wash his hair...an outlandish request at best to a stinky 10-year old with questionable hygiene. After he got out of the shower, he covered his head with a Santa hat and informed me that he washed his hair. I told him I wanted to smell it. He got back in the shower.

So, back to my brilliant dream of the perfect first post.

Pictures lined up on the camera? Check.
Ideas for the first post? Check.
Science fair project for W. finished and turned in? Check.

What do I actually have to show for it? Crap, that's what. Crap.

Pictures of the family? Ha. My family scoffs at pictures. Technically, they scoff at pretty much anything that will make my brilliant dream of the perfect first post come true. C. (my middle child, a darling 3 yr old) stole my camera battery out of the charger and for some real kicks, gave it to L. (my youngest at 13 months) to drool on and use as a teether. Camera battery? Bloated and destroyed.

Ideas for the first post? No problem. I'll get on my desktop and retrieve my genius ramblings. Oh, what's this? Bloop. L. has once again used her powers for evil and has pressed all the buttons on my computer, resulting in a total meltdown.

Children-3; My Dreams- dying in front of my eyes.

Hell, at least I still have that science fair project that we finished up last night.